Talking to My Cats: 03-04-08

Long story short, my middle name was supposed to honor my uncle Sal and my aunt Tanisha. I'd be more comfortable it if the reasoning behind the name was something along the lines of "A Boy Named Sue" by Johnny Cash -- something to toughen me up a bit. Alas, my parents didn't really give it a whole lot of thought (obviously), and by the time they did, it was already on the birth certificate. So I am Bruce Satan Pilgrim.

Thus, throughout my life, I've had a bit of a PR problem. I've been taunted countless times, endured such sobriquets as Devil Boy, Beelzebubba, Lucy Fur, Satan's Little Helper, and the Prince of Snarkness.

Carrying the baggage of Mephistoles has made it pretty much impossible to pass myself off as angelic. When my mom declaimed my full name in a certain tone of voice, I knew I was in very big trouble. Each year in grade school, the new teacher would take me aside and warn me that they wouldn’t tolerate any of my tricks. Which I always took as a challenge.

As a teenager, I experimented with using initials as an alternative, but B.S. Pilgrim has its own set of problems. Bruce S. Pilgrim didn't really ring, either. In my senior year in high school, I briefly embraced the opposite strategy and unsuccessfully campaigned as "Satan for Student Council." This did not go over very well in an all-boys Catholic institution.

Talking to My Cats: 02-12-08

What's worse: the recent Target ad showing a woman in winter clothing lying on the Target logo, or the subsequent shit storm over Target's policy of not responding to bloggers? This is a real toughie, because both acts are extraordinarily heinous events.

First the ad. Unmistakably, the model's crotch is positioned dead center in the bull's-eye of the logo! This is the most horrific example of the classic sexist objectifying of women in the history of civilization! The art director – obviously a man, of course – is clearly acting out his own violent rape fantasy with this misogynistic piece of dreck – and inviting all other men to indulge in their own sick mind games.

The impact of this crime is likely to be felt for generations. Young girls will be forever traumatized, unable to make eye contact with other women or, most especially, with men, lest they too be targeted in just the same way. It could even drive them into lesbianism, which is just what men want, isn't it – as long as they're permitted to watch, right?

It sickens me as a member of the advertising and communications community that this sort of thing still happens, even now in the 21st century. I thought we were beyond this, liberated at long last from centuries of treating women as chattels, as somehow less then men, as something to be used, wrung out, and then discarded.

Talking to My Cats: 01-29-08

Have You Ever Wondered Why:

• Today's presidential candidates, the sultans of spin, employ "truth squads" to deal with the statements of others and not themselves?

• Sportscasters continue to use the clarifier when they refer to "The New York Football Giants"? The Baseball Giants left NYC a half century or so ago, you'd think that most of those who care about sports are hip to the move by now. Or are they trying to prevent confusion with the New York Soccer Giants?

• Bloggers are hip to arcane html codes and every new Twitterish gadget, but can’t be bothered to use spell check?

• Movie studios think we'll fall for TV commercials in which they interview moviegoers who just came out of the theater and are raving about the film they just saw? Such a commercial guarantees the movie totally blows.

Talking to My Cats: 01-22-08

There comes a time in everyone's professional life when it is wise to pare down your resume, if only in hopes of disguising what an old bastard you really are. Where I once needed to pad the old CV to feign experience, there are now entire chapters of my professional life I now try to conceal.

Nearly two decades ago, I gained considerable experience (read: endured a living hell) working at a software company that I'll henceforth call BlusterCom, or BC. This little business was one of many that cashed in on IBM's decision in 1969 to "unbundle" its software from its hardware, thereby helping launch the software industry. (Unbundle is industry jargon for making your customers pay extra for stuff they are used to getting for free.)

Having gotten ridiculously wealthy as a result of Big Blue's move, BC's CEO quickly convinced himself that he must be, therefore, both a genius and visionary. One example of his many prescient pronouncements came in the late 1980's when he predicted that "PCs are just a fad."