Posted by Amanda Chapel Thursday, December 14, 2006
Ever see the movie Debbie Does Dallas? C'mon, it's a porn classic! Well, for those that may have missed it, the plot focuses on a team of cheerleaders attempting to earn enough money to send Debbie to Dallas to try out for the famous Cowboys cheerleading squad. Well, I was reminded of that this week. I think we've got a sequel in the making with a funny twist. What if all of a sudden the Cowboys were no longer taking new applicants?
Certainly, the comic potential is fantastic! Nothing funnier than watching people doin' it than maybe watching professional tricksters fool themselves while lost in a maze of their own making. It's even more hysterical when the audience is all the while privy to a simple way out.
Well, apparently that drama is being performed by Debbie Weil, author of the Corporate Blogging Book, along with an A-List squad of PR blog cheerleaders.
Here, let me give you a scene; it's a riot. Okay, so last week Debbie gave a big-pep blog booster presentation at Fleishman-Hillard/Paris to an audience of French PR and marketing professionals and a few journalists. And directly following that, the F-H folks released the findings of a study that concludes that journos have no respect for blogs, rarely use them, and don't think the fad has a serious future. Seriously... I am not making this up!
So basically what you've got is a tin-ear "professional" communicator and pom-pom girl pimping a solution for a non-existent problem to an otherwise occupied and disinterested audience.
STOP! STOP! Yer killin' me!!
For the record, I just love that joke. I just can't get enough of it apparently. Thank God I am in PR where it's not just Debbie; it's everywhere. All things PR blogging has been a veritable circus of little clowns getting out of mini fire trucks chasing domesticated elephants 'round and 'round their own little ring.
Well, there come a point when Debbie gets a little long in the tooth, I suppose. Sure, as a card-carrying student of the David Letterman Beat-it-to-Death School of Comedy, I will certainly take something too far. But I think this horse has been dead since mid-July. I rationalize daily by saying that Strumpette is in the end all about making fine suede.
Anyway, how does the movie end? I don't think it does. Debbie Does Dallas spawned a number of sequels and spin-offs including Debbie Does New Orleans and Debbie Does Wall Street. In 2001 "Debbie Does Dallas: The Musical" was created by Susan L. Schwartz for the New York Fringe Festival. In 2002 it was made into an Off-Broadway musical comedy. I expect Debbie Does Paris will be out on DVD before you know it.
Posted by Amanda Chapel Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Okay, the moment has come! All our hard work is gonna pay off. Finally, all this flatulence in PR is about to ring the register BIG.
By way of a little background... anyone who's been in the business for more than... well... an hour knows this: we go where the money is. All that bread-and-butter services stuff, excuse me but that doesn't keep the lights on. And things like Fleishman's Gay and Boomer practices... c'mon; that's fluffy decorative window dressing, is all. From a bean-counter's perspective, you'd be better off buying lottery tickets. The REAL money is in the next crisis. Cigarettes, Vioxx, asbestos, breast implants, lead paint, glass in the baby food... NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!
A good crisis is one of those few times when we don't have to worry constantly about rationalizing our bills. $232,445 for this month's fee. You got it! $26,050 out-of-pocket for photo copying?! No problemo.
It's like when the client asks his attorney what it's going to cost to get out of jail. The lawyer harrumphs, "Baring any unforeseen eventualities, it will likely require as much as it's going to take and not a penny more." A good crisis is a license to pinch whatever the hell one's smarmy little conscience can bear. Money? Just name it. Their house and car? It's yours. Their lovely daughters? Take 'em.
Here, in filings with the SEC, Wal-Mart recently disclosed that the newly appointed executive vice president of corporate affairs, Leslie Dach, is getting a stock grant of 67,522 shares. The grant is estimated to be worth a bit more than $3 million. Okay? Know what I mean Vern?
Anyway, speaking on behalf of all of us in senior management that have not been otherwise duped by all this blog hooey, we get down on our knees daily, humbly, devoutly, praying for rain. Terrorism, bird flu, transfats, obesity, even gambling have been all very very promising but unfortunately, except for our own bluster, we've got nothing to show for it. Not a damn thing. Fuck.
Excuse me Ms. Chapel, the president of the National Cattlemen's Beef Association is on line one.
Is that John Queen again? Tell them I am in a meeting and I'll get back to him sometime later today.
No matter how desperate they might be, I always like to have a few preliminary program ideas in my pocket before I talk to prospects. Here's what I am thinking: How 'bout an Auburn University beta-tested fart-fired electric plant? They'll do it. Or, maybe National Pull My Finger Day! Let's bring back the 3 Fs, farts, fun and family. Surely, we'd also have our crack government relations team push Congress for a huge cow beano subsidy. For the right money, I am totally confident that we can make these things happen.
But in the end (no pun), after years of doing this stuff, I know that all the showbiz John Queen is going to buy, isn't gonna help him all that much. Fact is, cow farts are pretty disgusting. As always, on a fundamental level, battling this kind of evil is going to come down to obfuscation, spin and denial. I say go after the damn sheep who wrote the report. It's common knowledge they're notorious farters. Ever smell a sheep fart?
On Thursday, March 8, 2007 at 7:41 AM, Ronn Torossian, President and CEO of 5WPR, emphatically promised that he was going to sue us. No real reason, he was just irritated by our teasing him about getting in bed with pornographer Joe Francis. Anyway, Ronn gave his obscenity-laced word that we'd see the complaint in 72 hours. It's now late by
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