Posted by Bruce Pilgrim
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Talking to My Cats: 12-18-07
In the spirit of the season, I'm sharing our family's annual holiday letter below. Enjoy!
Wow, this year has been a blur! It seems like only yesterday we were celebrating the holiday season and now it's come around again! Whew!
Our family certainly has a great deal for which to be grateful; including the plea agreement our attorneys negotiated that kept Dad out of jail once again. It's community service time again, but he's used to it - he already knows where they keep the mops down at the Drop-In Center.
Junior continues to prove he's a chip off the old block, the little dickens! Now that he's reached the grand old age of 21, he's become a regular at the local gentlemen's club and a connoisseur of the dance. (The lap dance, that is!)
We're also grateful they lifted the restraining order on Uncle Carl, who is now once again free to pursue his dream girl. Also YouTube finally took down that embarrassing and probably fake confession someone posted.
Jimmy's almost totally over the deprogramming we arranged for him after he was rescued from that awful cult. (Who knew Republicans could be so fanatical?) He says he doesn't resent us and makes a very strong case for being let out of the house unescorted. Maybe next year, Jimmy!
My sister's kids also appear to be completely recovered from the injuries sustained in last month's tragic trampling by their fellow Hanna Montana fans. They've taken our little jokes about their achy-breaky bones pretty much in stride.
And we're very proud on the award-winning essay Heather and Feather penned on "Why Mom Should Quit Drinking and Face the Truth" Those twins are great kidders!
Dad's collection of celebrity saliva is starting to get notice, and not only because of the strong odor coming from the shed. He was featured on oddballsofnote.com, a website that is visited all the time by people all over the world!
There's also much to look forward to in the year ahead, of course. Marlon is "this close" to getting his GED as well as an early release for good behavior. Grandmamma has assured us that she's kicked heroin for good this time. (Our collective fingers are all crossed!) And Mom believes she can lose enough weight to be able to go outdoors for the first time since the Reagan administration.
That's about it. Come and visit us soon, won’t you? (Call first.)