We want to be liked and admired; to walk down the red carpet beaming humbly for the cameras; to be called up to the podium where we thank everyone who ever lived; to be in the spotlight, sort of, even if it's just for two seconds in some cheesy hotel ballroom hanging out with people we don’t know and wouldn't like if we did dressed in our finest clothes because we are too classy to rent tuxes and half drunk on watered-down bottom shelf liquor. It's glorious.

The coolest thing about communications awards is the high probability of winning. In some cases, I'm pretty sure that if you can come up with the entry fee, you can't lose. Of course, you might also have to pony up additional bucks for an actual "statuette." If I was a cynic, I might suggest that some of these outfits are only in it for the fees.

Now there's an idea. All you need is a website, all tarted up with some high-faluting name such as the International Academy of Marketing Communications and Public Relations Society and an online-entry form that accepts credit cards. Be sure to come up with hundreds of categories to ensure plenty of winners, charge at least a hundred buck per entry (to keep out the riffraff), and then mail everyone who enters at least a "suitable for framing" certificate of merit. Get them to cough up another couple hundred for their very own statuette (actual value $19.95), and you're in the awards business.

Other than the small issue of fraud (how many winner do you expect will complain?), and the problem of disposing of all the entries, this is the best racket since religion. Enter today. You may already be a winner.

Bruce Pilgrim is the CEO and janitor of Bruce Pilgrim Marketing Communications, LLC. He recently published his first book, Talking to My Cats: A Small Business Journal.