Undoubtedly, the top story of the week was the poor misunderstood Heiress Paris Hilton being treated unfairly and cruelly by the big bad judge in California who sentenced her to 45 days in the slammer because her handlers utterly failed to protect her from herself. In a fit of despair over the unfortunate incident Paris fired her semantically twisted flack, Elliot Mintz, and in a reverse fit of magnanimity, hired him back the next day. Paris managed to make conservative go with vulnerable and repentant with her simple gray outfit and her ponytail at her hearing. It was a brilliant fashion defense. And still she got slammed. Have you no decency, sir? Have you no decency?
The Heiress and her Flack concocted a mutually agreeable hallucinogenic reality that “that which was, no longer is,” with the strong suggestion that we should all be healing from this alleged rift, accentuating the positive, banishing the negative. The flack was back spinning Paris as a “strong woman who takes this very seriously” – a Joan of Arc type image (what would she wear if she was burned at the cross?) - except the Governor was not getting with the program. He was not reacting positively to the groundswell, including a petition here on Strumpette, begging for mercy for the unfairly and cruelly punished Heiress.
"I've never got any request. But I have many more important things to think about," said the Gov. about a potential pardon for the beleaguered Heiress.
What more important issues can Arnold be dealing with? Immigration, healthcare, unemployment, police brutality? Stories in the tabloids warned of lesbian gangs, group showers, a poor, exposed Paris at the mercy of brutal prison elements. We cringe at the thought of her virginal violation to pleasures of the flesh in settings that are less than sanitary. Have we no humanity? Have you no decency Arnold. No time for Paris?
The only story we like better than celebrity rehab is celebrity crime and celebrity prison. Martha did time, that puts in her in a league apart from Britney. Seeing the incredible opportunity to elevate Paris from simple icon to imprisoned martyr the flack Mintz is now preparing Paris as one of Charlie’s Angels. She is reportedly working out twice a day, toughening up, and she is consulting another misunderstood once-imprisoned Heiress, Patricia Hearst, on how to fight off the hardened criminal lesbian gangs in the group showers.
Paris is a fun girl but we are about to find out that she can also be a tough and focused woman, qualities that will aid her in ascent to sainthood and martyrdom. I can only hope that she is treated with dignity in respect by the authorities and her prison garb is at least 100 percent cotton and not scratchy.
Other stories happened last week – there is still that pesky war in Iraq, genocide in Darfur, global warming, pestilence, disease, hunger, all that – but none approaches poor Paris in prison. And we are merely at the beginning of this story. We will hear about how Paris prepares, what she wears, where she will be, what she will do, until she turns herself over June 5, through her 45 days, and her release. That means we will have a Paris Hilton summer. If Mintz is smart and canny he can stretch her rehabilitation post-prison appearances to after Labor Day, for peak audience penetration.
For now, at least, Paris trumps Britney and Lindsay in being top story in the triumvirate of the misunderstood celeb acting-out girl/women. Paris is center stage. We are her enraptured audience.
Mark Rose is editor of PRBlogNews - a web publication focusing on public relations practices in the digital age.