The Blogger Code of Conduct Revised

So what's the latest Web debacle? The story now is that the very guy who coined the phrase "Web 2.0," Tim O'Reilly, has gotten severely mugged while issuing a few guidelines for civility.

Well, WTF! The New York Times describes the blogosphere as a nasty, wild and wooly place filled with uncivilized hooligans and vitriolic bloggers. And what is our combined response? We prove them exactly right. Terrible, just terrible.

Fact is, O'Reilly was just proposing that it's time we clean up our act. Considering that it was only a proposal and a first draft at that, the negative backlash is downright reprehensible. What happened to the "conversation"? Hypocritical bastards the lot of 'em. Here uniquely, we try to take a rational approach and help Tim refine his 6-point charter.

BACKGROUND

First, let's put this all in context. Here's a little background as to why this is so important and urgent:

Well, for one, O'Reilly and Co. have a lot riding on this Web 2.0 thing. For some there's a lot on the line professionally and personally.

For a "professional" perspective, take Edelman's Me2Revolution (please). They've invested a lot and haven't seen much (if anything) in the way of return. Trust me, if there's money to be weaseled out of a hyped trend, Edelman is the firm to do it. Bottom line: all this trash talk is really bad for business. Ya just don't throw a tantrum during the sales pitch. Think about it.

Now, on the personal front, people like Parmet, Holtz, Himler, Basturea, et al., have all told their friends and families that this scheme was going to pay out big time. Fact is, as this thing goes south, most of these guys are so far out on a limb career-wise, their options are now pretty limited. I mean, what else can they do? And Himler's got three kids!

Then there's the rising tide of floaters found in the blogging meme pool: the Wikipedia attribution and credibility issues; Edelman Wal-Mart Flog Flap; the seemingly endless Chris Hansen MySpace pedophile parade; the trumpeting of Twitter's triviality; and of course, the Kathy Sierra MeanKids online rape and death threat drama. Yikes! Sure looks like the society of Social Media is now populated by 60 million masked predators looking to swindle you or "cum down your gob." Turns out Keen's Cult of the Amateur not only articulately describes how this mob is replacing the Institutions that house the Mona Lisa with abject mediocrity; it shows how we've raised badly done pornographic graffiti to cultural icon... all held sacrosanct in the name of empowered expression... all defended by Jarvis’ 6 million pitchfork and torch bearing mobsters. Sad and a bit scary actually.

Listen, unless we do something soon, the hope for Web 2.0 will disappear forever. Imagine Ruble part-timing at Sharper Image; Scoble taking your order at Outback Steakhouse; and Jarvis writing the TV complaint column for the weekly newsletter at your grandparents' retirement home. And that's not far fetched.

O'REILLY'S PROPOSAL REV. 2

Anyway, the following is O'Reilly's proposal refined and including an addendum:

1. We take responsibility for our own words and for the comments we allow on our blog. Here, let's can the "open conversation" thing. Nice on paper but fucked up in practice. Everyone that participates in the blogosphere needs to get in touch with their inner censor. Excuse me but it's all about perception. What can be misconstrued, will be misconstrued. We need to commit to the "Civility Enforced" standard: "we will not post unacceptable content, and we'll delete comments that contain it."

2. We won't say anything online that we wouldn't say in person. Keep in mind: No matter what anyone tells you, there's a leadership hierarchy in place here. Fuck with it; it'll fuck with you.

3. We connect privately before we respond publicly. We need to bolster the perception of a united front. If you encounter conflicts, as you invariably will, call one of the elite bloggers and ask them to intervene. Remember, family fights, dad throwing up and those drunken beatings, etc. happen behind closed doors all the time. Remember, at church and out in public, we're the Happy O'Reillys.

4. When we believe someone is unfairly attacking another, we take action. That is, moderate and suppress comment fights. In order to appear happy, we advise strongly that you restrict comments to positive comments only. Again, smile. We need to exude that blogging is good. Think: We can't be happier; and we'd like to share our happiness with you.

5. We do not allow anonymous comments. Remember anonymous equals negative. And negative and dissident talk is NOT happy talk.

6. We ignore trolls. Somewhat an extension of #5, keep in mind, you can always call a negative commenter a "troll." The attribution is generally accepted without question and gives a lot of leeway to eliminating criticism. Just ban their IP. (Any questions here, ask Shel Israel, co-author of "Naked Conversations.")

7. No obvious miscreants and/or catamites. Now we know full well that this will drastically reduce head count. But it's obviously time to trim the herd. Also, it's not like we're advocating no gays which would pretty much decimate the PR contingent. The no miscreants and/or catamites restriction should leave 4-5 PR people and they can be very helpful to us as we look for positive media coverage later on.

8. No fucktards or cyberdinks. This is likely to totally reconstitute the A-List, but it's necessary. Fucktards and cyberdinks are notorious booger eaters and you just can't put a positive spin on that.

9. All positions of leadership are hereby restricted to men with hair. The preponderance of mental midgets is one thing but excessive number of bald guys has surely NOT helped our credibility.

CONCLUSION

What those that instantly poo-pooed O'Reilly first draft missed is that this is an opportunity. Like PRSA's Code of Ethics, it's not like it's actually going to be enforced or anything but it says that we adhere to its principles. This will go a long way in manipulating public perception.

Other than that, what can I tell ya? Robert if you're reading this, I'd like to start with an order of Bushman 'Shrooms. Then I'd like an Outback Burger with cheese, medium done. Do fries come with that?