To war we go! Hi-dee-hi-dee-ho!

According to our sources, shouts of jubilation could be heard coming from the Department of Defense Office of Public Affairs last week on news that Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was “buttressing” the Pentagon’s public relations staff. But it was no where near the level of joyful glee that swelled up from the ranks of PR industry. From agency kitchens to conference rooms, from budget meetings to creative brainstorms, around the nation one could hear that ole PR-rallying song rise up to the heavens:

It all harkens back to PR’s Golden Age. There once was a time when the PR brigades marched proudly with their armed compatriots on any given Memorial Day. Floats of pretty girls aside, PR color guards, bands and drill teams performed for the crowds that lined the streets 6 deep. The guards performed prerequisites such as "Pass in Review", "Posting of Color" "Manual of Arms;" but the "Synchronized Rolodex Spin" always stole the show. As sons on their father’s shoulders cheered, tears came to the eyes of many a veteran flack.

But in recent decades, PR warriors have had to live in the shadows as mere mercenaries. They were mere hired guns for fast-food chains, pharmaceutical companies and big-box discounters. "The pay was excellent but we lost a lot of good flacks; And for what?" we still here some of the senior practitioners say. It was just about the money.

Finally, that’s going to change. Praise be to the indomitable patriot spirit of Donald Rumsfeld, who’s now recognized the need. “We probably deserve a 'D' as a country as to how well we're doing in the battle of ideas that's taking place in the world today.”

And the PR profession has already answered the call. We are about to bring the war room… into the war room! The esprit de corps! The derring-do! The pitch letters—bursting in air!!

The new public relations plan began to take concrete shape on Friday as new construction began in the E-Ring, the Pentagon's outermost corridor, to accommodate new hires.

Ruff said today that the reorganization, spearheaded by Smith, will help the department "set the record straight" and provide accurate, timely information.

He denied that the effort was set up to respond to the eroding public support for the war, or that it was aimed at helping in (this) week's elections. He also said he would not call it an "information operations" program, which generally refers to a propaganda-type campaign.

For the record, like their brothers and sisters in Iraq, Rumsfeld’s PR Irregulars are expected to go into battle ill equipped. Sure they’ve got a website; but it will likely take forever for business cards to be printed. Not everyone will have a Treo. Some poor bastards will have to make do with Blackberries from 2003! Can’t be helped! But alas, we’ll make do. Some blighter has already stolen the 2005 Bacon’s. Another has fixed the copier with duct tape and panty hose. War always brings out the best in a man.

WISHING FOND FARWELL

So we at Strumpette wish our comrades good luck and Godspeed and... oh... I promised myself I wouldn’t cry…

THIS JUST IN: News from the Front Lines

In response to a sneak attack from the Military Times Media Group (publishers of Army Times), our brave fighters have rolled out the heavy artillery. It’s a shock and awe campaign. They’ll never know what hit them! White House Press Secretary Tony Snow lead the charge:

The White House is dismissing fresh calls for Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld's ouster, calling an editorial in leading newspapers for the military "a shabby piece of work."

White House spokesman Tony Snow said Saturday the president has shrugged off an editorial by the Military Times Media Group, which publishes the Army Times, Marine Times, Air Force Times and Navy Times, calling for Bush to fire Rumsfeld. Bushs feels it is merely "grandstanding," he added. The editorial says Rumsfeld has "lost credibility" with top officers.

Snow called the editorial "a caricature" and a "shabby piece of work" filled with inaccuracies. He said it implied the administration's made nothing but "rosy" predictions about Iraq. Snow said that isn't true, leading the president to "shrug it off."

He shrugged it off – brilliant work, troops! Mark this day in the annals of PR history! We’re back in the fight!