Talking to My Cats: 8-28-08

Office cubicles are a cruel joke on those of us who flatter ourselves that we operate in "The Information Economy." Sometimes called "pubicules" because of the public, out in the open nature of the "open office" environment, cubes totally blow.

Half walls are not walls at all. They're more like hedges – minimally decorative and totally lacking in privacy.

Remember privacy? Yes, my furry friends, there really was a time when the innermost secrets and the intimate details of our lives were kinda, sorta private. At the very least we were happily ignorant of all that was known about us by shadowy third parties such as the IRS, employers, and data miners.

You used to have the illusion of being able restrict access to any romantic or financial indiscretions, discussing sensitive matters only in private, behind closed doors. Closeable doors were also very handy when you were on deadline, needed to concentrate, and work undisturbed. Today, there are no doors, just openings in your hedges through any intruder empowers himself to waltz.

If they're tall enough, interlopers can appear as creepy disembodied heads looming above the hedge. This unnerving experience alone is enough to make you yearn for that private office you used to have, or wish you used to have.

I know things about co-workers' marriages, medical histories, and extracurricular activities I'd very much prefer not to know. No doubt, they've gleaned similarly interesting or appalling tidbits about me. We're right next to each other with no filters aside from our own discretion, taking it all in because it's right there. Even though I have no interest whatsoever in your upcoming colonoscopy, unbidden and unwelcome images still invade my imagination.

Building owners and management will tell you that it's about collaboration; cubicle towns supposedly promote teamwork and provide the ability to reconfigure space quickly to respond to changing business needs. That is pure bullshit. Cubicles are really about HVAC issues and saving a few bucks off the utility bills.

Privacy, schmivacy. Let's concentrate on squeezing every dime of cost out of the system so we can maximize executive compensation. Let's face it, yachts are expensive to buy and maintain. And as for vacation homes in Vail, well, don't get me started.

We need walls, damnit! And most especially doors that can be closed or even locked when needed.