That's it. I’ve had it. I quit!!

Okay, deep breath. Where’s this coming from? Have you ever been to that place where something seems so hopeless that you can literally taste it? Like stale sourdough bread. Well, that's where my head is today with regard to the PR business and Strumpette for that matter. PR is so beyond ridiculous. Fact is, it’s beyond shameless. What’s the point?! That is the point!

I am literally writing this on the floor. I pretty much have lost the will to live. Perhaps the Strumpette exorcise (with an “o”) has been a total waste, a mere homage to the vanities. That’s so depressing. It is/was the good fight but maybe it’s time to throw in the towel.

Another deep breath… followed by a long exasperated sigh. Apparently, my week here has gotten off to a bad start. Ya think? As some of you know, I'm still reeling from having lost my friend Ronn Torossian to “youth” porn. Very depressing. He’s the next generation and I had such high hopes. But in retrospect, what’s more depressing is that this is not an isolated incident. He clearly makes that point in his rebuttal. Sadly, it underscores what PR has become today, i.e. an industry without a conscience or soul. Anything goes. One can never be out of bounds in a place without moral boundaries. Frankly, it is worse than even that. Today, fucked-up behavior pays! How much free publicity did Britney just get for shaving her head and readmitting herself to rehab? Immeasurable. Priceless.

Why is that? Well, it’s partially a cultural thing. And on the road to ubiquitous PR, the model disintegrated. Here, fundamentally it used to be: Popularity got you laid. Getting laid led to opportunities. Opportunities led to cash flow. Cash used correctly could bolster popularity. Repeat cycle.

The operative word is “popularity.” See, there once were moral standards. Someone did something heinous; they ended up in the Book of the Dead. Today, they’re likely in Oprah’s Book Club. Today, just plain exposure is confused for popularity. Hey, Strumpette has more than 600 friends on MySpace. Not really sure what the hell that even means.

It is in that context that “beyond ridicule” comes into play. We’ve sold our clients on the value of general awareness and simultaneously spun our moral compass right out the window. The new model is: Ink, ink, ink... exposure equals celebrity. Celebrity will get one laid. That invariable will dramatically increase the parade (of Chris Hansen pervs actually, but what the hell). And that will likely get you a guest spot on Oprah. Book sales will skyrocket. It's sad but true.

Here’s an example: We were going to write a story about Maggie Chamberlin Holben today. Damn that shameless minx. If you recall, a few months ago we wrote a story about Maggie titled, "Colorado Businesswomen Busted for Public Self Gratification." Totally embarrassing, not like marketing porn to youth, mind you, but still. We ridiculed Maggie strongly for her having broadly distributed a press release announcing pathetically that she had been quoted in the paper. What utter crap. The news was only that Mags had been was mentioned in the news! We teased her incessantly and said that “according to our sources, Maggie is presently considering a press release about having distributed her press release.” Well, sure enough… she did it again:

Denver, CO, February 20, 2007 -- Colorado public relations consultant, Maggie Chamberlin Holben, APR, owner and founder of Metro Denver’s Absolutely Public Relations, is now profiled by Home Office Weekly. Holben connected with editor, Marcia Duffy, through PR Newswire’s Profnet system via the query entitled: “Successful Home Businesses.” Duffy was looking for successful home-business owners to interview for a column called "Home Office Weekly Profiles."

Arrrrgh.

For the record, that’s incurable. So is Torossian. Why? Simple game theory: when everyone is cheating and there’s no negative consequence for the behavior, it short order; everyone will cheat at the game. It’s a competitive advantage and the rules are lowered to accommodate it. It’s the psychology of looting. In that context, morals are a huge burden. That’s about where we are as an industry.

Can we be shamed into good behavior? Hmmmm… doesn’t look like it. I think we may be beyond that. In the past Torossian would have dropped the Girls Gone Wild account faster than you can say “anal.” Maggie certainly would have learned from her mistake rather than celebrate it.

Frankly, I think the effectiveness of public ridicule is all but dead. Hey, I don’t think it’s even possible to defame a PR person. First, for the obvious reason, you can’t insult someone that low, technically speaking; but more importantly, there's no damage. Ridicule just leads to more general awareness which will invariably lead to more business.

Seriously, I so quit.

See you tomorrow.

- Amanda

Edelman's Secret THRUST Project Confirmed

CHICAGO - Well, fact is, you've likely heard a least some of this: The latest flash-fire rumor to spread throughout the Metaverse is that PR's first blogger has suddenly bolted LA. This just in... the enigmatic Phil Gomes, Senior Counsel for Online Communications at Edelman, one of the largest PR firms in the world, has suddenly left Los Angeles for Chicago. Rumor has it that Gomes, inventor of the SMPR-knockoff StoryMakerUpper 1.0™, is moving here to lead a top-secret Manhattan-like project at the agency's HQ.

Obviously concerned about maintaining secrecy and the likely backlash from the legions of Edelman critics, Gomes released this brief statement: "With this move, I anticipate that education will be a larger part of my role."

Some insiders were quick to characterize the statement as a masterstroke of old-school crisis communications on Edelman's part. Who could argue with Gomes’ need for education? But today, this type of strategic obfuscation often backfires. Gomes' statement has only served to raise speculation and fuel rumor.

To a person, everyone has totally discounted that the move as being client related. That said, the two most widely believed reasons for the move include:

1. Under intense criticism, Rick Murray head of Edelman's faux Me2Revolution Practice wants to reel Gomes in. As an accepted management practice, it is far easier to control a loose-canon in the home office than out in some satellite. Obviously, firing a blogger is no longer a realistic alternative due to the huge potential fallout as a consequence of blogging.
2. The economics are no longer feasible. CEO Richard Edelman has given this experiment a year to produce and has seen very little return. Few clients are buying this anti-corporate blog nonsense. Also, with the addition of Gary Goldhammer as Vice President, Interactive Solutions in the LA office, the margins are way too thin to support the redundancy two bald bloggers there.

But with Gomes having over nine years experience in PR, along with a B.A. in Communications from Saint Mary’s College, we suspected that there was a lot more going on here. We did a little investigation and got this inside scoop.

Gomes' move is part of Edelman's new massive development project, the "Trust Thermometer." Code named THRUST, this is to be a companion to Edelman's renowned Trust Barometer. Rather that the outward-facing loosely-qualitative assessment of various “influencers” about their bogus opinions as a publicity stunt, the Thermometer will be able to gauge quantifiably the level of a client's gullibility and billing tolerance. This is expected to revolutionize the PR business.

For the record, on a condition of anonymity, an insider told us that “it has been quite difficult to get a few clients to try the new product.” Our source said: “It is highly sensitive. As part of the program, we’ve made every assurance that THRUST will be administered ONLY by a registered nurse."

THRUST is currently being beta tested by Gomes along with Elizabeth, Kristi and Stephanie from Auburn University. It is expected that THRUST will be ready for release in the Fall of ’07.