Islamic Republic to Trigger Global Conflagration

TEHRAN, August, 21, 2006 -- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of the Islamic Republic of Iran, today announced that tomorrow August 22nd would mark the official End of the World. August 22 is a holy day on the Islamic calendar and is the day of reckoning for Shiite Muslims.

Ahnadinejad said, "Islam and its followers must prepare because it is a universal ideology that leads the world to justice."

The Office of the President strongly urges his people to spend the remainder of today preparing for the coming of an Islamic "messiah." The plan is that first thing Tuesday, the Islamic Republic will trigger a global conflagration, God willing.

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EDITOR'S NOTE

In related news, come Tuesday Mehdi Kalhor, Ahmadinejad's advisor for information dissemination and media affairs, will officially be the record holder for the shortest tenure of any PR person serving as government spokesperson. He was only just appointed to the position last Saturday. Formerly the head of the State Audio-Visual Organization and deputy minister of culture and Islamic guidance, Kalhor had no comment regarding his plans.

Also note, Kalhor's short stint bests the average PR agency stay by almost 3 months.