Posted by Amanda Chapel
Expert Calls "Seduction Business" a Veritable Dry Hump
First, so what's with all the sex on Strumpette? We've answered that many times. Public Relations is the "seduction business." The real question is where is the sex in PR ironically? Why is the business a veritable cloister when it comes to sex and intimate communications for that matter? Here we answer that and actually provide the industry with a few recommendations.
By way of introduction, here's a real world example: This summer we were blessed to have Kailey from the University of Wisconsin join us as an intern. She was fantastic: top of her class, cum-laude bright, cheerleader, unbelievable German work ethic, creative, and marketing instincts well beyond her years. She wrote like an angel (as well as anyone in the agency including yours truly, I might add). She was/is a natural connector and communicator. (Of course, I stretched that description out some in her final evaluation but that pretty much sums it up.)
What I did not mentioned was that Kailey has other gifts that almost eclipse her professional attributes. She was/is a total knockout; "stunning" is a good word. Straight-thick-flaxen hair that shimmers to her mid back. A statuesque 5' 10", she has boobs and ass the envy of any Victoria's Secret model with legs well... all the way up to Sweet Lord Have Mercy.
How best to describe her? Kailey's like a perfectly ripe piece of fruit. To be near her is to breath in desire... only to taste hunger and urgency. "Must have no matter the cost," best describes the faces of those who would stare at her. It was a tension that absolutely raised the temperature of any room she happened to enter. And the best part... she was/is a total innocent, a total sweetheart, totally oblivious to the potent spell she invariably cast.
Excuse me, everyone fantasized about Kailey, i.e. staff, clients, the FedEx guy, the doorman, security, maintenance, the window washing crew, everyone. Women, too! We all wanted to do her. But fact is, no one did. In the three months and nine days she worked at our firm, no one even made a pass. Odd but actually typical. That's the mystery we address here.
SEX IN THE OFFICE, THE LATEST FIGURES
Apparently, the so-much-porn-so-little-time web has been heating things up a bit. Even our proper British cousins have gone wild. A few weeks ago, the Register reported on "The UK office: hotbed of Bacchanalian lust." According to a recent survey, the UK office has become "a steaming cauldron of sexual desire in which colleagues exchange flirtatious emails and smoldering looks as a prelude to forming the work-based beast with two backs." Research conducted by the Aziz Corporation found:
PR INDUSTRY A SEXUAL LAGGARD
In spite of the fact that the general trend for office sex is way UP... PR remains flaccid and almost totally unresponsive. Once thought to be the leading business sector for getting laid, the industry has become a sexual wasteland. According to a recent phone survey of 493 U.S. PR practitioners conducted by Nelson Metrics (representing within plus or minus 3 percentage points of what they would be if the entire population of U.S. PR professionals): only 11 percent ever fantasized about co-workers; less than 6 percent have had sex with an office mate; and only 3 percent have formed long-term intimate relationships with an office colleague.
One of the world's leading experts on business and economic theory, Martin Turnbull of the renowned Kepler School of Management, author of "The Image Industry, Public Relations at a Flashpoint," said, "The finding of the Nelson Study are totally counterintuitive. One would think, as PR is a proxy for clients to seduce customers, especially with the predominance of women in the business, that there'd be a lot more goin' on, goin' on."
ANALYSIS: UNDERSTANDING THE PROBLEM
The general consensus among industry experts is that there are 4 main reasons for the frigidity:
1. As the ratio of women to men is now better that 4-1, it would appear that to avoid undue competition for the limited resource (men), women have almost totally suspended their natural tendencies for procreation.
Turnbull said, "Sadly, when it comes to the Seduction Business, PR seems to be at best a veritable dry hump."
COMMENTARY: PRELIMINARY RECOMMENDATIONS
Rather than more blogging "conversation" and web relationships... the severity of the situation requires an overt commitment to change by PR industry leaders. Perhaps we:
-- Hire more men even if it's in half-hour increments;
It's a start. Sure would make coming to work more fun. Some of us would work for free. I'd bet our work product would improve ten fold. OH YEAH!
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Tracked: Aug 15, 11:23
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You are so funny.
Thanks again for your lovely gift. Thanks for a great summer. Thanks especially for your counsel and mentoring. It was just a fantastic experience that I will always treasure.
I hope you were serious about coming up to Madison to see a game. That'd surely be a blast. I am sure I can arrange for you to stay a Kappa. Let me know.
No doubt the ongoing consolidation within the PR business is at least somewhat of a driving force behind the industry's tepid romantic climes. Whether outrightly forbidden or stymied by simple fear of potential repercussions, I've noticed that inter-office romance is a far less frequent occurrance in large firms than in small independents and boutiques. Recalling a few years at a small firm in San Francisco -- maybe it was just the city's reputation as a bastion of liberation holding true or the fact that it was during the high-flying dot-com free-for-all -- but there was more hanky panky going on in that office than in any large firm in which I've since been a part. Don't get me wrong...it wasn't sordid. But we were able to joke around about it (innocuous little things like a male staff member asking the firm's female legal counsel out on a date following a presentation on sexual harassment) and management had the foresight to recognize that it wasn't really any of their business so long as it didn't affect work product. And at least one couple from those days actually did get married. Fast forward a couple years at large firms where everybody was so tightly wound about what they could and could not say. Sadly, all that environment bred was a situation where the only flirtatious comments in the office were coming from a truly pathetic and despicable individual who cheats on his wife and is the true definition of a harasser. It was like the old adage: Outlaw guns and only outlaws will have guns.
my only contention would be that Kailey is "a total innocent, a total sweethheart...totally oblivious to the potent spell that she invariably cast."
Impossible. With dog-style tattoos, pole dancing and the ubiquitous desire to "do it like a porn star" that permeates our young female graduates, she is well aware of her...ahem...potency.
If the photo is real (doubtful) then the height of the "unbuttoned" blouse would be a dead giveaway.
Come hither...come Kailey...
With all due respect, your instincts in this instance are completely wrong. The finger you point is surely more suited pointed at me.
Seriously, Kailey is a genuine pure heart. She was a genuine pleasure in every respect. It is my intension to ensure that we extend an offer to her upon her graduation. We'd be quite lucky to have her join our firm.
- Amanda Chapel
I don't thnk the British have the same sexual harrassment laws in the workplace as in the US. I only worked in the UK for a few years but the office parties, esp. at Christmas were very bawdy. Alcohol seems to be a potent aphrodisiac for the Brits :-)
Has Mr Foremski discovered a way of negating the lust-inducing capacity of alcohol that apparently us Brits aren't able to resist? Go on, do share the secret that makes you immune to wandering eyes after a few too many glasses of Bacchus' juice.
Oh, and if Kailey has a thing for English boys....
"No doubt the ongoing consolidation within the PR business is at least somewhat of a driving force behind the industry's tepid romantic climes".....Er yeah, that's what stops me trying to roger the intern.
I think the reason there is no US PR office passion is that yanks are soooo conservative. It's not just the sex, it's the lack of a sense of humour, it's the ridiculous work ethic, the fear of causing offence, the timidity of behaviour this causes, the dullness.....
Come on, even if some chino'd up blue shirt n loafers overweight buzz cut honky did make a pass at Kailey by the sound of it she is far to smart to accept.
Please, just go have a cigarette, chill the fuck out, stop getting in to work at 7am and then you might feel like shagging each other.
According to a recent phone survey of 493 U.S. PR practitioners conducted by Nelson Metrics...
I believe this survey, despite experts' theories to the contrary, because PR people always tell the truth. Particularly over the phone. And especially when anonymous. Like when posting to message boards on behalf of a client or leaking a story.
This was fun reading, Amanda. I think the survey was fascinating. Kudos to you and your blog. Best, JB
Good stuff here. I used to work at a goodly sized ad agency that had developed a pr practice as a way to get more money out of integrated clients (like most now have "interactive practices")...when i interned there in the early 90s the place was like a seen out of animal house. Eveyone worked hard, played hard, drank hard (we had an actual bar inside the agency) drugged hard (hey, how do you expect to work till 4? then make an new biz pitch at 8:30?) and everyone was banging everyone.
Fast forwad 6 years and i returned as a senior ae an the company was being run by one of the advertising conglomorates. While the sexual tension was still high (lots of pretty young things running around in amanda-esque business suits) it was extremely different as they had fired one of the vp's for sleeping with one of the aes. The ensuing law suit made it a real isssue for the parent company and all of the sudden, the fun stopped. No more bar, no more blow in the conference room and no more quickies in the kitchen. Sad really, because none of it ever really effected the end product and some might argue it made for better team dynamics and influenced creativity.