Posted by Amanda Chapel
THIS JUST IN FROM THE BLOGOSPHERE
Pictured right is Sally the goat. Apparently, she's smiling. We have it on a reliable source that it has something to do with the weblog "Media Orchard" and its micro-celebrity author Scott Baradell, APR. (Note: Scott is an accredited member of Public Relations Society of America.)
For the record, our conclusion comes only after rigorously applying some best skills of deduction and analysis the web has to offer. Here's what we've learned thus far:
Last April, Scott went on a "dream honeymoon" with his first wife Cathy (left). They visited Positano, Italy where in Scott's words, "We overlooked the bay from the Hotel Marincanto, which is built into the cliffs; even the Jacuzzi hung over the shore below." In the subsequent honeymoon pictures that Strumpette was able to obtain, Scott's first wife displays an almost identical expression to that of... Sally the goat.
There's more. Scott has also been known to write about, and cavort with, none other that Edelman PR's Mike Krempasky (right). That, in and of itself, is damning. First off, Edelman, one of the largest PR firms in the world, is known for employing professional goats almost exclusively. Furthermore, after various scientific photographic tests, we were able to confirm a 94.3 percent probable match. It is with statistical certainty that Krempasky's smile is that of... Sally the goat.
Coincidence? We don't think so. But, although armed to the teeth with indisputable blog "evidence," we've sat on this story for months. Well, that is until now. Finally, we have the smoking gun. We can now prove our accusation beyond a shadow of a doubt. Scott Baradell, APR has been recently dallying with renowned internet muckraker and gadfly, Ron May. It is widely known that Mr. May fellates goats. Ergo...
IN THE TRADITION OF BLOG JOURNALISM
By way of background, Ron May writes an internet gossip rag called The May Report. We understand that he's been blogging since 1996. By some not-so-outrageous accounts May is the father of online blog journalism. He is at the very least "a person of interest" we should blame.
His blog-style of journalism was recently portrayed by Peter Harkins for Push CX, in an article coincidentally titled, "Ron May Fellates Goats." Harkins says,
Now obviously our article was inspired by Harkins. But trust me, we didn't steal it like blog journalists regularly do. Fact is, we've gotten tips regarding Mr. May's fondness for goats and other farm animals for some time. If anything, this story was more inspired by former TV-critic Jeff Jarvis, another renowned "internet journalist." In his article "Dell Sucks" Jarvis revises various traditional journalistic practices to adapt to the networked world. According to Jarvis, "Put that in your Google and smoke it, Dell." In a recent interview for Beet.tv, Jarvis boldly asserts that he chose that headline specifically so as to increase visibility and pickup. He brags, "behind me a mob with pitch forks and torches ready to storm castle Dell."
Okay, let's step back a bit so we are on the same page. There seems to be a lot of confusion about how journalism is being redefined by blogging on the web.
CBS PublicEye asks, "Does Noise Trump Contemplation in The Blogosphere?"
Answer: Yes, noise trumps contemplation. Indeed, we are racing toward a global Jerry Springer Show.
Why? Because "societies create structures of authority for producing and distributing knowledge, information, and opinion. These structures are always waxing and waning, depending not only on the invention of new means of communication but also on political, cultural, and economic developments." (See Amateur Hour, by Nicholas Lemann for the New Yorker.) Regrettably, the web has no such structure... and it is not likely it ever will.
Now to that amorphous dynamic, add the essential elements that make blogging so popular. Add the elements of lack of control, instantaneous, and undisciplined... and the result is that as a platform for world culture, we sprint to a place of least common denominator from which there is no return.
So much for the promise of Web 2.0 being the Next Big Thing. Now add the natural propensity for bloodlust and schadenfreude and Reynolds' "Army of Davids" collapses into a destructive Mob of May.
As to Scott, his motive is perfectly aligned. In his words, "I don't like the Strumpette or what it stands for. So I am going to keep writing about it until it goes away," i.e. until he destroys it. In 4 months Scott has written, mentioned, and attempted to defame Strumpette over 125 times, that's 50 percent more than the number of articles that appear on Strumpette in total. He's desperately trying to characterize us as a goat so as to have something to fellate. Sadly, that only leaves him obsessed, jealous and frustrated.
LESSON LEARNED FROM THE NEW JOURNALISM "EXPERTS"
If you decide to enter the blog fray and want to be successful at the new journalism, here's a quick reference how-to fellate a goat:
1. Absolutely start with a catchy mob-inciting headline like Jarvis' "Dell Sucks," or Baradell's "Decline and Fall of the Strumpette Empire."
AN OLD-FASHIONED, REASONED CONCLUSION
Fact is, we are not certain that Scott Baradell has ever fellated his first wife Cathy let alone Sally the goat. But we are certain that he is an incessant petty little asshole with broad access. That's all. He's unencumbered by discipline, intelligence or talent. He's the poster boy for blog journalism. If you are looking for what's wrong with PR and journalism today, Media Orchard is a good place to start. And lastly, as an accredited member of PRSA who holds out APR to seduce potential clients, Scott underscores boldly the hypocrisy of the institution and the Industry.
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Wow. Attacking spouses? At it's most basic:
See the shark.
See Strumpette jump the shark.
Jump, Strumpette, jump.
There was no attack on Cathy either inferred or implied. I would say it's probably tangential like Scott harassing Brian Connolly.
Goats have historically been victimised when the mob needs an outlet for it's collective angst. Not so long ago superstitious Indonesians knocked out a surprisingly high-tech SMS campaign to sacrifice 1000 of the poor beasts as an offering to God, so that Jakarta might be protected from natural disaster.
Once I've digested the implications of this and whether wife fellating should be an Olympic sport I'm going to jump on the sky train and work out why that post is filed under satire but is another great example of very compelling thinking.
Very funny Amanda, you just made my day!
I never want to make Amanda angry with me. Never, ever.
It's a very funny (but insightful) piece. More than a lttle over the top, but we expect nothing less.
Eating goat cheese wil never be the same.